


The Happy Meal at the Ends of the World (Akio x Reader)

by SyringaVulgaris



Series: Ohtori and Fast Food [1]
Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Akio Brand Creepery, HELL IS REAL AND I'M IN IT, I have no clue how to rate this because it's AKIO so I guess the age rating is just AKIO, Other, POV Second Person, he does a lot of akio things but there aren't depictions of sex, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:48:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26332168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SyringaVulgaris/pseuds/SyringaVulgaris
Summary: I wrote this a while ago based on a conversation with people on the Empty Movement discord and now that I've finally gotten around to making an AO3 account I really may as well post this. Please enjoy, it's not very good but it was fun.
Relationships: Akio Ohtori/Reader
Series: Ohtori and Fast Food [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913449
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	The Happy Meal at the Ends of the World (Akio x Reader)

You’ve been running the very first section of the Drive-Thru for about three weeks now. Or was it three months? Either way, it feels like it’s been three years, but tonight you had been saddled with rushing between all three windows to the best of your ability, as fast as your pathetic little legs can carry you. With class in the morning, the shitty, cheap watch on your wrist reading 3:27 and the sky dark enough to inform you that this clearly meant AM as opposed to PM, it’s hard to keep your eyes open. The more you thought about it, the more it seemed that it would be truly wonderful to just live your life in eternal stasis, not having to worry about growing up in a world where you need money to live. Leaving college would also be great, as you regret your choice of course more every single day. Why didn’t you take that cool art course? Law isn’t fun for you at all.  


You were about to flop down and cry out in the deepest, most incomprehensible anguish when you saw something from the corner of your eye. That car was moving way too fast for a Drive-Thru. Does this guy not care about speed bumps? You thought for like a second that maybe the driver was just as dead inside and exhausted as you until you actually looked at the car for a second. Oh god, it’s this asshole again. Every time he showed up, one of your co-workers would vanish for the rest of their shift, completely fucking obliterating the schedule. Your soul slowly abandons your body as that damn car approaches, jazz blaring from the radio. It was always the same station, it seemed.  


“Thanks for choosing McDonalds, how can I help you?” You muster, managing to express the total absence of anything, contrary to the customer service voice your manager was so very fond of.. Why was he wearing some kind of white, princely “military” uniform? Why was his chest exposed? It was extremely cold out tonight. He reclined in his seat, smiling to himself. Perhaps the dulcet tones of a fast food worker, utterly dead inside were somehow appealing to him. That or he had remembered a stupid joke.  


“I see we’re skipping the foreplay-” He maneuvered his torso so that his uniform (?) would slip to the side a little, revealing a nipple. “-In that case I’ll have a small, unsalted fries and a big, meaty mac... “ He paused. “No onions.” You narrow your eyes at the obscenely long man and his cruel, unusual order.  


Seconds from tears and failing miserably to hide it, you give a shaky thumbs up and he drives off to the next window, leaving you to rush to catch up, meeting him at that window. Why did your co-workers have to decide they needed to actually sleep tonight? The traitorous bastards. He seems deeply amused by your plight. What a cunt!  


“That’ll be five thirty five.” You say bluntly, honestly wishing you were just staring through him. However, it looked like he was posing for a photoshoot and it sort of made that level of detachment a bit difficult. He pulled out an expensive looking wallet, a few notes sticking out, one of which would clearly able to pay the vast majority of the cost. He leans out of his car, getting entirely too close and slides a single penny toward you with the tip of his index finger.  


“This may take a while, (Y/N)...” He murmured as if he was sliding half-naked photographs that look like they belong in gay porn magazines over to you as opposed to change.  


“Why do you know my name.” You sigh, stepping back and glaring down at his stupid, manicured hand. Those rich people.  
“Is that not the purpose of a nametag?” He asks, causing you to flush with annoyed embarrassment. It’s three in the morning, god damn it. It’s just rude to expect totally lucid thought at this time of night. He finally slides another coin toward you. He could at least go about this a little faster. You glare at him in the hopes of telling him exactly that. He pretends to ignore you as he starts to retrieve another coin with painfully slow movements, not breaking eye-contact. How in the name of fuck do you make paying for a McDonalds sexual? You remain silent for a while. Long enough for him to fondle a few more coins and languidly move them in your general direction.  
Eventually, he has the wallet propped up on something so he only needs to use one hand, allowing his other hand to focus on just sort of hanging out somewhere between his hip and his crotch. As such, he was handing over the money single-handedly now, which made it take even fucking longer. Rude. You spend a while just… Staring blankly at him.  


“Sir, please. You’re holding up the line. Is there any way you could speed this up?” you ask, feeling as though you’d been awake for 1900 hours as opposed to 19. There were… So many people behind him, waiting to be fed. You were too emotionally exhausted to bother counting them.  


“They can wait-” he purrs, taking a break to rub two pennies against each other before placing them down with the others. “-What’s the point if we can’t draw it out a little?” You want to scream into the void, but you know that there would be no reply. You glance at your watch. It’s about time for somebody else to show up - someone easy to trick into taking over.. Thank god. So long as you could get rid of this man and his oddly prominent nipples, you could resume as usual.  


With the resting hand, he began fiddling with whatever was fastening his pants in a manner most unnerving and dangerously close to just opening them up and revealing what lay beneath to the world. Based on the chest situation, he wouldn’t have much against the idea. It was fucking snowing mere minutes ago. His car was roofless. Nothing here made sense.  


Another coin slowly slid toward you. Eventually another. Soon enough, you heard footsteps behind you, their owner doubtless just prepared for a shift. Waving to them for their attention, you mouth something at them - asking them to take over your spot. That poor gullible fool. Ordinarily you’d never wish this upon your fellow humans but you desperately need a break from tall, lavender and horny. As your poor distraction appears to take your place, you flee from your spot while the brobdingnagian prick was too busy stroking coins to pay attention and wait at the third and final window, entirely certain that you’re going to hell for this.  


Slumping against a wall, you half-listen to what’s going on. He seems to notice but takes the change in his stride and continues to take his time with paying. Too late to just pay in normal money. With a sigh, you go back and retrieve the horrid, cursed meal he ordered, giving the unsung victim of this situation a pat on the shoulder before you drag yourself back. The final coin hits the counter and all hope of becoming friends with that person you threw into the line of fire probably evaporates.  


The car approaches. You dare not look. The sound of obnoxious jazz bores into your skull as you tell yourself that this stain on the wall is far more interesting than nipple man. However. By the time he arrives at the window, you realise that it’ll be hard to actually successfully give him his saltless and onionless food without being able to see him. Expelling the air from your lungs, you turn to face the window, ready to just get rid of him. You meet eyes. He’s... on the bonnet of the car. Legs spread. Wide. No one is driving and yet here he is. You remain silent for a few moments, before finally yelling.  


“What the fuck are you doing!? That’s extremely unsafe! Not to mention appalling!”  


“Is it not always best to cast yourself into the world with a largeness…” He paused, clearly intentionally. “Of spirit? What meaning is there to a life spent in a coffin of safety?”  


“...Seriously? Out of curiosity, do you apply this thought process to your whole life or are you just saying words?” You ask, leaning over so you can attempt to drop the meal onto the empty drivers seat.  


“Exactly. A meaningless life is the easiest way to fade inevitably into obscurity. You for one look as though you could use a few more risks in your life, if I may be so bold.”  


“Just take the food and drive away sir. Please.” Knowing your shift was supposedly meant to end within the next century, you try in vain to shut him up and hurry him along.  
“Fortune favours the bold, as they say. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to last eternally, like the brilliant stars that look down on us? Of course, only those willing to take risks will be remembered forever.”  


“...Stars die, jackass. Whatever. I’m too tired to care at this point, let’s do this.” You state, finally managing to reach over to the bright red vehicle and drop the now significantly less hot food into the seat - and then begin to leave the building, very intentionally ignoring the satisfied look on his face.  
And then you probably had weird car sex or something. The food most likely went tragically uneaten. I don’t really want to write this anymore, the dialogue alone was excruciating as you can likely tell by how shitty it is.


End file.
